Erin’s Mom

Erin’s mom passed away yesterday. I reprinted what she said on her blog here. I will miss her.  She was a wonderful mother-in-law.

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My mom died tonight

I loved her. She sacrificed so much for me. From the moment she found out she was pregnant with me… to my dad passing away when I was 9 and Mom had to build a life for us. All the years. So much is flooding back. Years when I was little and then a few Christmases ago when she wanted a nostalgia family dinner, and I ran around getting so much to make her happy. And I found a photo of the two of us from my first holy communion; I don’t remember ever seeing it before, but I got a 5×7 and gave it to her. She cried happy tears and I joked that the tears said it was a good present.

Today, Sunday…. she took me out for my birthday. Cathi took a picture of us with my arm around her…. a few hours ago, I joked with her in the mall. And I said a fast goodbye, because she was in the front seat and I was in the back, and people were behind the car rushing to get my parking spot…. I didn’t kiss her goodbye. I said love you! fast and dashed out.

I’ll never see her again. And my last chance to kiss her goodbye, to really thank her for a nice day, and I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it!

I’ll never call her and say “Hi, Lady!” the way I always did; it was a little special thing between us. She once told me it meant so much to her; it brought her peace and joy to hear it.

why didn’t I kiss her goodbye… even as I dashed out, i thought I should take the time, but ….

I thought I’d have another chance.

It’s not right.

Cathi called me around 8 to say she was in the hospital. She couldn’t catch her breath suddenly and got sick. John and I went to the hospital, but I thought it was something easy… she’d be up and out in a couple days tops. Then the doctor is saying she needs to talk to someone, who would be the spokesman for all of us…. and my stepfather is barely holding together, and my sisters who were there…. and I’m standing there in front of the doctor saying it’d be me. And she’s telling me it’s bad, it’s critical, and we have to go hour by hour…

Even then…. Mom had beat the hour by hour so many times. Massive heart attack, a stroke, 3 types of cancer…. She was a fighter. She always came back.

Always.

Then they’re telling us her heart stopped again. Then it was…. she would keep coding, did we want them to keep rescusitating. I knew she had talked about that with Ralph, and he’s answering but my sister Cheryl is saying don’t make fast judgements…. they came out again. Mom coded again, her heart just wouldn’t keep going, her brain may be damaged from lack of oxygen…. and Ralph saying stop, but so many people talking, and the nurse looking at me and I… I told them what Ralph said and what I knew Mom had said. She had a living will. Don’t put her through agony when it was over.

But how can it be over….

I was going to take her to the town where she grew up. She, me, and my aunt. See the house where they were kids, their schools, the spot where she met my dad…. then, as a surprise, she didn’t know it, I was going to take pictures of it all, make notes, and put it in a book for her. I had it all planned. Then there’d be a chapter for each of us kids, with our favorite pictures over the years, and something we’d each write to her. I was going to put a picture of her as a kid on the front and call the book simply “Doris”. I was having it bound like a real book through the Blurb software and Flickr. It was going to be her surprise present for her 80th birthday.

We were supposed to go on the trip in June, but she and I forgot and made other plans. I told her, no big deal. We’ll pick another day.

Why did I let that slip away…. That trip would have meant everything to her.

We booked a place on Long Beach Island for her birthday week, and had plans to celebrate. She deserved so much….

But when I talked to her this past Tues, I had a pounding headache and she kept going around and around and badgering to make decisions on things, and then still going on and on about them…. I was aggravated. She got aggravated with me.

She deserved better from me. From so much, from life itself. She never got one of her dreams. Not one. And now….

I once had a nightmare that she died. I woke up devastated and had to call her, had to hear her voice.

I wish I would wake up from this nightmare.

Camping and Dogs and Kids

Check out Erin’s blog to see pictures from our camping trip this weekend. Oh, and we got busy later in the afternoon on Saturday at the RV dealership. I sold one and have another one going out Tuesday or Wednesday.

Slooowww

It’s slow here at the old RV dealership. Everyone is already camping . We are probably going to close early.

On the other hand, it’s a beautiful day and supposed to be a great weekend. Erin is down at Pomona campground with the dogs. (check out Erin’s blog for sleeping dog pictures). I set up the our camper yesterday and I will be heading back down there today. It’s a nice campground but everyone around us has Rebel flags flying high. So, I put up 2 American flags and my “Hillary for President” tacky lights. Let the games begin!!

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!! Please take a second and remember what this day means.

Theater=Therapy—NOT!!

I like to say “Theater is like therapy–only no ones gets better!” Anyone that is involved with community theater and reading this would agree. What I don’t understand is how many divas you find in “little theater.” They are on the same fucking stage that I am on in New Jersey.  If “they” were so good, or had so much drive, then why are we in the same place? My philosphy is to just have fun with it. That dosen’t mean you can’t be good.  This is supposed to be fun.  STOP WITH ALL THE DRAMA!

 

Therapy

I never was a believer in therapy…until I went. I still don’t believe that it works for everyone, but for me, just talking to someone that has no emotional attachment to me, helps me understand some things. It lets me see things in a different way that I may not have been doing before. At the least, it gives me a place to bitch about all of you for an hour. Well, not all of you, but some of you. YOU know who you are!!

Updated: I fixed the big font.

Time and Life

Yesterday was one of those days that made me be introspective. It was the 16th anniversary of the last time I took a drink or did a drug! I never thought I could put a few days together let alone 16 years. Some things are better, some the same, some worse. But, I am happy that I was able to put all that behind me. Now, if I could just live without eating too much, life would be complete.

It was also another anniversary yesterday—it was 19 years ago that my father died.  Funny how it was easier to give up “drinkin’ and druggin’” then it was to get him out of my head.  Therapy is a wonderful thing.

I want to thank my wife for posting my new job info on this blog.  I HAVE to change those passwords

Do you like the green?

Where is Johnny Black now?

Another job change!!!

I am still in the RV business, but I moved to a dealership that is closer to home. I am back at the dealership that closed last fall. It reopened under a different name in January. One of the new owners called me up 2 weeks ago and said that they are thinking about adding another salesman and they thought of me first. I told her that before they made a decision on who they were going to hire, to please give me a call. A few days later, her partner (the man that gave me my first job in the RV business) called me and said he wanted to take me out to dinner and discuss the sales position with me.
So, I started a week ago at HitchRV in Turnersville, NJ. Wish me luck!!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Rain is cleansing. I like the rain.  It has a way of making everything OK. After the rain, everything smells and looks fresh. There is always “after the rain”. Nothing or no one stays around forever. That’s why YOU have to live, laugh, and love now! Keep pushing, stay aware,  keep positive. The rain is going to  come, the darkness is going to come, the floods, the storms, the night. Ain’t one GODDAM thing you can do about. But, when things look and seem the worst, something, somehow, will make you stop and laugh, or remember. Something will make you smile. Make you pause and say–”It ain’t so bad.” 

“Here comes the sun”

“The sun will come out tomorrow”

“Rain, Rain, Go Away–Johnny Black HAS something to say”

LIVE, LAUGH,LOVE

and try not to be too shallow-LOL

Who Will Buy This RV?

 

 Come on down. It’s cold outside and we are making deals inside!! Just a little RV dealership on the way to Atlantic City. Before you spend your money on gambling–come and talk to  “JOHNNY BLACK”— the best looking RV salesman this side of the Mississippi!!

You’ll never have sooo much fun buying a RV. 

“See ya ’round the campfire!!!” 

 …and Happy Lincoln’s B’day to y’all.

The Donkey and The Elephant

Well-it look’s like John McCain will be the Republican nominee for Prez. I’ll bet that he names Romney as his VP. Romney will pull in the extreme Right. It’s a perfect match!

Soooo—is it Hillary or Obama?? History is about to be made ladies and gentleman. Will they team up when one of them drops out? It’s funny how most of the media refer to Obama by his last name and Hillary by her first. Can she beat McCain?–I hope so! Can he beat McCain?–I hope so!

Change is good. Change is good! Change IS GOOD!! Either way this election goes (and I hope it goes Democratic) will be better then the retard we have in office now.

Yea–I SAID IT!!!!